The rules mentioned at the 3:20 mark are VERY IMPORTANT. In fact, thanks to www.tubechop.com, here it is, the mantra of the month.
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July 17, 2009
The Future of Comedy Is Randeeeeeeee
The rules mentioned at the 3:20 mark are VERY IMPORTANT. In fact, thanks to www.tubechop.com, here it is, the mantra of the month.
July 8, 2009
2012: It's a Disaster!
io9 recut the trailer to Roland Emmerich's upcoming 2012 to bring out its porny, fetishy side. Good yuks throughout.
July 7, 2009
Crotch-biting dog = Internet awesomeness
They should follow that crazy lady back to her place and get the full whacked-out story.
By way of Buzzfeed (and Jon)
March 25, 2009
Welcome to Franz Kafka Airport, Prague
March 5, 2009
Watchmen as a Saturday Morning Cartoon
This will be funny if you've read the comic/seen the film.
February 28, 2009
Jesus vs. Hitler, the Smackdown
This is stupid. But sometimes I like stupid.
February 25, 2009
The Onion on form again
Barack, you've always been the caretaker.
Sasha Obama Keeps Seeing Creepy Bush Twins While Riding Tricycle Through White House
February 23, 2009
WASHINGTON—A little more than a month after the first family's move to the White House, reports of strange happenings have continued to surface, with Sasha Obama confirming Tuesday that she had once again been visited by the eerie specter of the Bush twins.
Sasha, who was playing in the East Wing of the executive mansion so as not to disturb her busy father, reported seeing the former first twins while riding her Big Wheel tricycle down the Cross Hall corridor. The frightening apparitions, the 7-year-old said, emerged out of thin air and were dressed in identical outfits consisting of spaghetti strap tank tops and denim skirts.
February 22, 2009
Kreepie Kats' Guide to the Great Depression 2.0
Teh future looks awesome!
February 12, 2009
Homemade Fan Vid for Trader Joe's
Spot on in many places, worth a chuckle, and uses one of my favorite songs.
November 9, 2008
Italian Spiderman
Last week, the question was 'Where were you when you heard Obama was elected?' This week the question is 'Where were you when you first saw...Italian Spiderman?'
Heads exploding into snakes, heroes diving head-first off of buildings (well, mannequins being thrown from buildings), and amazing shotgun violence. This is teh awesome!!!
October 24, 2008
Wassup 2008
It's been a long eight years, and a Bud is not going to fix it. We need something...better.
This is LOL good.
October 9, 2008
Peter Serafinowicz: 50 Impressions, 2 mins
This man is absolutely brilliant. Such skill!
(Actually, it's Peter Serafinowicz, who you may know from Spaced and Shawn of the Dead.
October 8, 2008
My New Hero
A naked Brit went for a swim in the moat around Tokyo's Imperial Palace the other day, and it took a Benny Hill-esque amount of police to corner him, tag him, and release him into the wild and arrest his pale gaijin ass. The above photo rocks the house. But the video footage is something else altogether.
By way of BoingBoing and Tokyo Times
October 6, 2008
Take On Me: The Literal Video Version
Many yuks to be had in this literal singalong by www.dustfilms.com
Thanks to mslemonjelly for the link!
August 19, 2008
OMG Double Drops
Church revivalist meeting + rave music = massive lulz.
By way of The Internet Now In Handy Book Form.
August 10, 2008
Out of Retirement with a CG stupidity
Jon Crow, who now blogs way more than I do over at WITMOT, keeps pestering me to blog more. "June 12, dude...June 12!!!" he reminds me.
But he recently posted a selection of CG dumbness on his blog so good it has brought me out of lazy retirement to tell y'alls. "Apple Daily" is Hong Kong's "trashiest tabloid" and when murder, mayhem, and molestation happen, they are there not just to report on it, but include CG illustrations of what could not be photographed. That includes:
Man AND CAT in propane explosion!!!
Child pranged in nuts by crazed teacher!!!
and undoubtedly, the best one so far:
Dramatic firsthand CG sketches of the Morgan Freeman car accident.
Way more at the above link. Crow, you are a genius.
May 20, 2008
It's not porn
Porn photos hastily Photoshopped to not be porn. Some of the choices are hilarious.
By way of Fleshbot.
May 2, 2008
THIS ARE SERIOUS THREAD
Not one, but FIVE! FIVE!!!! cats that look like Wilford Brimley.
By way of BoingBoing
April 23, 2008
Dangerous times for journalists
Pity the poor cub reporter, sent by desperate and/or moronic bosses out to cover something or other for their local news. Hey, you know what would be great--if you try to do what the pros are doing! You know, jump on a motorbike and ride off at the end of the segment! Stand really close to the event, I mean *really* close!
From the YouTube User PeopleGettingOwned.
January 22, 2008
Linktastic fun with the "Church" of $cientology
It all started here, with the chilling and funny in a car-accident way Tom Cruise Scientology video that leaked onto the Net. YouTube had it first, then Co$ threatened, they took it down, and Defamer.com, bless their cotton socks, put it up and refuse to take it down.
I am morbidly intrigued by cults, and no doubt Co$ is one of the most powerful and one of the most dangerous. Their ultra-seriousness, their righteousness, and--from the videos I've seen--their barely contained anger and victim mentality make them ripe for mocking, but read further and they become quite frightening.
The Cruise video led me to this fascinating BBC Panorama doc from May 2007, where John Sweeney investigates the "Church" and becomes victim to their harrassment, including being followed, being verbally assaulted, and on and on until Sweeney finally snaps and screams his head off. It's quite shocking, but I find it strange that the BBC, who had once investigated the cult in 1987 (as my friend Chris reminded me), didn't prep Sweeney for the kind of "bull-baiting" that is exactly intended to result in outbursts like his. Watch it and ask yourself if you could handle the same pressure. Also, the footage the Co$ shot of the outburst was then sent to Sweeney's boss, his boss's boss, and so on to smear him and to try to get him fired.
That in turn led me past the wonderful Operation Clambake website and onward to XenuTV.com, Mark Bunker's site. Sweeney should have watched how Bunker runs rings around these pesky twerps on his many journeys into the cold, evil heart of Co$ in Los Angeles and more importantly in Clearwater, Florida, which to non-cult members is a "occupied city."
For a gruesome record of what Co$ is capable of, check this slideshow (contains some disturbing autopsy photos).
For some more lighthearted info about Lord Xenu and the Co$ creation myth, check this funny animation.
But for the best laughs of all, the infamous South Park Scientology episode which the Co$ got pulled off TV...still exists on the web, the glorious web!!!
UPDATE! MORE LINKS!!:
Here's a harrowing first-hand account of the cult from someone who was brainwashed for over a decade.
Now that $cientology has angered the geek community, there's even more leakage of their precious, dark materials. Here's an Orientation Video for your amusement. Don't watch too long or Xenu will get you!!!
December 29, 2007
Prusakolep!
There's loads of strange Eastern Bloc commercials on YouTube, but this is one of the best/weirdest.
December 13, 2007
Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe
A recent BoingBoing post reminded me to check out Charlie Brooker on YouTube, although the clips it linked to were some of his less brilliant. Brooker does not just sit on a couch and insult twats on TV (as the original link showed), but his deconstruction of the way television manipulates our emotions is some of the best media studies-turned-comedy I've seen. The closest the U.S. has is the duo of Colbert and Stewart, but their focus is mostly on politics. (One of my students reminded me that ZeFrank does some of this too). Instead Brooker assaults the entire apparatus. For more on the series, here's a Wikipedia thingy and the official BBC Four site. Here's a selection of the best moments I could find on YouTube:
Brooker looks at how Reality TV is edited, and how narratives can be manipulated out of raw footage.
Here's his overview on the dreadful Celebrity Big Brother that I had the misfortune of seeing when I was in Liverpool.
"Aspirational TV" pretty much deconstructs everything that's wrong with not only television but capitalism in general. Brilliant!
He also takes on the X Factor, known in the US by our similarly crap version, American Idol.
Brooker doesn't always slag things off--here he praises the series The Wire, and rightly so, because it is one of the best shows ever.
Want more? Here's some full all four seasons plus two holiday specials!:
Charlie Brooker's ScreenWipe Season One (March 2006):
Episode One: 1 2 3
Episode Two: 1 2 3
Episode Three: 1 2 3
Charlie Brooker's ScreenWipe Season Two (July-Aug 2006):
Episode One: 1 2 3
Episode Two: 1 2 3
Episode Three: 1 2 3 (Severely Edited b/c of YouTube, but here's the real deal)
Episode Four: 1 2 3
Episode Five (Screenwipe USA): 1 2 3 4 5 6
Charlie Brooker's ScreenWipe Specials (December 2006):
Christmas 2006 1 2 3 4
2006 Year in Review 1 2 3
Charlie Brooker's ScreenWipe Season Three (February 2007):
Episode One: 1 2 3
Episode Two: 1 2 3
Episode Three: 1 2 3
Episode Four: 1 2 3
Charlie Brooker's ScreenWipe Season Four (September 2007):
Episode One: 1 2 3
Episode Two: 1 2 3
Episode Three: 1 2 3
Episode Four: 1 2 3
Episode Five: 1 2 3
December 3, 2007
Somebody's grandson must be punished
One man's raid on his grandma's video stash is the Internet's treasure. Shame on him.
October 5, 2007
The IT Crowd Season 2!!
Due to popular demand (mostly Jon bugging me), I am posting the links to Season Two of The IT Crowd, currently the funniest bit o' Brit-com not on the American telly. Some great moments this season, including the opening episode set on a "work outing" to the theatre and a brilliant "dinner party" episode. The American remake is in the works, and though Moss is continuing on, how can it really compare? Enjoy before the Yanks ruin it again...
Episode One: The Work Outing 1 2 3
Episode Two: Return of the Golden Child 1 2 3
Episode Three: Moss and the German 1 2 3
Episode Four: The Dinner Party 1 2 3
Episode Five: Smoke and Mirrors 1 2 3
Episode Six: Men Without Women 1 2 3
September 28, 2007
The IT Crowd, Season One
When it first came out last year, I watched two shows, laughed, then forgot to download the rest. Now, because of the mentions of Season Two on BoingBoing, I went back and caught up. And so should you if you haven't heard of this British comedy. "The IT Crowd" is a sit-com about two IT nerds--one slobby, one uptight--in a faceless company, whose geeky male environment is flipped upside-down with the appearance of an equally incompetent female manager. Much comedy is made of this threadbare set-up, getting progressively sillier each episode. Stick with the show until about Episode 4 before giving up--I bet you won't.
Thankfully, all the eps are on YouTube until somebody notices.
Here's the opening sequence
Episode One: Yesterday's Jam: 1 2 3
Episode Two: Calamity Jen: 1 2 3
Episode Three: Fifty Fifty: 1 2 3
Episode Four: The Red Door: 1 2 3
Episode Five: The Haunting of Bill Crouse: 1 2 3
Episode Six: Aunt Irma Visits: 1 2 3
Here's some outtakes/bloopers: Part 1 2
Here's some cut/extended scenes: 1
May I just note, appropos of nothing, that I find Katherine Parkinson very hot. Thank you.
August 20, 2007
Keepon Keepin' On!!
This is the cutest lil' robot I've ever seen! Lest the YouTube comments melt your brain, Keepon is real!
June 11, 2007
The Town of Bedrock aka the Garden of Eden
BlueGrassRoots goes to check out the idiocy of the Creationist Museum, one more blot on an already sullied American reputation.
Early in the museum, the visitor is given advice on the proper mind frame to have for your visit: “Don’t think, just listen and believe”. As you can see in the picture below, Human Reason is the enemy and God’s Word is the hero. Descartes represents Human Reason, saying “I think, therefore I am”. But God tells us there no need to waste your beautiful mind, for God says “I am that I am”.Insert Popeye joke here. Really the whole "museum" is just one more version of the traveling revivalist show, with dioramas from Eden to the awfulness of today, full of drugs, pedophelia, and Ted Haggard. Just this time there's dinosaurs (for the kids!)
June 6, 2007
A Day in the Life of a Cat
Man attaches mini-digi camera around the neck of his cat and is able to see what Mr. Lee gets up to during the day. I find the whole idea (and the results) quite hilarious.
April 19, 2007
"This is Worse Than Ann Coulter"
East Coast sweary version of guy playing Super Mario. Audio NSFW, funniest thing I've seen all week.
April 13, 2007
I Love to Singa
This song was stuck in my head this morning. Wikipedia + Google + YouTube helped me track it down. It originally comes from an Al Jolson movie of the same year (1936), where he sings it, as well as Cab Calloway. But that's not out on DVD or VHS. I dare say that most people know the song from the cartoon version!
March 18, 2007
Cyriak's Madness
I think Cyriak is one of the b3ta.com crew. Here's a compedium of stoooooopid looping animation. Terry Gilliam would be proud.
UPDATE: In fact, they made a TV Pilot.
December 24, 2005
The Way of Sushi
Please don't make fun of the Japanese: they do a much better job when they make fun of themselves. Here's an odd little mockumentary about how to enjoy sushi.
By way of Joi Ito's blog.
December 1, 2005
Just Say No to The Drugs!
Photos from a "Moscow Wax Figure Exhibition Highlighting the Graphic Dangers of Drugs". Something wonderfully arty about this house of drugginess. Girl with dolly looks down with devilish disinterest. Mother too strung out to notice Twyla Tharp-ish statement by suicidal roommate in a sweater usually only worn by British TV weathermen in 1986. Stunning. As was that last sentence.
By way of The Cartoonist.
November 8, 2005
Stuff On My Cat
What more needs to be said? Either you'll find this very funny or not. Stuff On My Cat.
November 4, 2005
Brilliant Satire of Right Wing Lunatic Thought
Wait, this *isn't* satire? Oh dear.
Check out the plot blurb.
LibrealityKinda sad that two of your three bio-mech superheroes are based on convicted criminals. My guess as to why these guys were chosen instead of say a less-criminal conservative hero from the past is that the creator is hoping for some prime publicity knob-gobblin' on their talk shows.
‘It is 2021, tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of 9/11. America is under oppression by ultra-liberal extremists who have surrendered governing authority to the United Nations. Hate speech legislation called the “Coulter Laws” have forced vocal conservatives underground. A group of bio-mechanically enhanced conservatives led by Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy, Oliver North, and a young man born on September 11, 2001, set out to thwart Ambassador Usama bin Laden's plans to nuke New York City.'
October 25, 2005
That Chaucer is a Bad Mutha--
But I'm just talking about Chaucer.
Lyrics to Shaft translated to Middle English. To one who studied Chaucer for my A-Levels and wound up writing in Middle English for a while, this is giggle-inducing.
A Townie's TaleWha be tha blake prevy lawe
That bene wantoun too alle tha feres?
SHAFT!
Ya damne righte!Wha be tha carl tha riske is hals wolt
Fro is allye leve?
SHAFT!
Konne ye?Wha be tha carl wha ne wolden flee
Whan peril bene all aboughte?
SHAFT!
Verray!Alle clepe tha carl ane badde mooder-
SOFTE!
Speken of Shaft bene I.
THAN KONNE ALLES WE!He be a man konne unnethes
Namo save is mayde konnes im.
JOHN SHAFT!
October 24, 2005
Suffer the Little Chickens
So, wait. Does this mean the mother slept with...A CHICKEN???
BBC Tributes left for a dead chickenHey, you tell that to the poor mother. Precious.Flowers and tributes were left in an alleyway where the body of a mystery dead baby was found - before police realised it was only a chicken foetus.
A member of the public discovered the remains in a back alley in the Anfield area of Liverpool.
Police cordoned off the scene but soon realised that it was not a human but a chicken foetus.
Well-wishers had laid more than a dozen bunches of flowers at the scene, along with cards and teddy bears.
One of the cards read: "RIP Little Baby. Safe in the arms of Jesus. From someone who is a loving mother xxxx."
Merseyside Police told the community on Monday to "stop grieving, it's only a chicken".
October 21, 2005
Are We Really Prepared for a Zombie Attack?
Love letter to George Romero disguised as an Onion article.
Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared For Full-Scale Zombie AttackFederal Undead Management Agency spokesperson Dr. Sheena Aurora downplayed the ZPI report, arguing that zombies move slowly and can be easily overpowered. Aurora advised citizens to look over their shoulders frequently, adding that a large shopping mall can serve as a "long-term, even fun" refuge from zombies.
September 26, 2005
This year I'm going as Asteroids
Retrocrush offers a frightening gallery of awful pop culture Halloween Costumes. How many kids seriously went as Chachi or Chuck Barris?
July 17, 2005
Nigerian Spam Poetry
Making Light posts an attempt to render the Nigerian Spam Email into poetry. He is quickly trumped by his comments section.
This Is Just To SayI deleted
the spam
that was in
the inboxand which
you were probably
reading
as poetryforgive me
they were meritricious
so false
and so bold
And so much more at the link. By way of Scott Rosenberg's Salon Blog.
July 13, 2005
Bush and Blair's IM chat
Actually written by Danielle Crittenden. Brilliant.
kickass43: hey
sxybritguy10: hey
kickass43: u up
sxybritguy10: cant sleep
kickass43: dont have that problem
sxybritguy10: noticed
kickass43: man I can fall sleep on a bicycle :)
sxybritguy10: lol. wish that was the only accident at g8
sxybritguy10: bloody cursed summit
kickass43: u brits r tuff folks
kickass43: u take bombs well
kickass43: ur arresting the badasses
kickass43: got plenty more room at gitmo if u need it
sxybritguy43: thnx. ur da man
More at the link.
July 5, 2005
THIS IS FUN TO MAKE A BLOG ON THE COMPUTER WEBSITE
THE DOGS ARE WORRIED! THEY CAN'T FIND THE BEANS!! THEY WERE LOOKING FOR THE BEANS IN THE DRAINS!!!"
Mentally disturbed blog that focuses on a) animals b) spaghetti c) beans.
Nothing if not consistent.
May 30, 2005
Monkey Steals the Peach
Massive blood loss causes death. Unless they're wearing jeans.
May 27, 2005
Eyes are located halfway down the oval.
Remember in Junior High art class when you did portrait sketching and you realised that it was harder than you thought and that actually you sucked and that any mastery of the form, any way of getting your work to remotely resemble a human face would take years and years of work, so you gave up? Don't worry, the Michigan State Police is hiring. Includes photos of the "life study" models to compare, contrast, and grade. Wow!
Questions for further study:
Has there ever been a good artist who has done composite sketches? What was their success rate?
In how many years will this be labeled "outsider art" and fetch large prices in galleries?
March 21, 2005
PSA Comics..woo, they suck
This Amazing Cover Gallery over at StrangeCult features some classics I remember owning as a kid. Spiderman sure shilled for a lot of "worthy" causes, didn't he, especially those abstract ideas. Future suggestions: "Spiderman Battles Despondency," "X-Men Fight Middle-Age Ennui".
By way of the always wonderful Cartoonist.
November 4, 2004
Dumbass Daniel
How wonderful is this? 2,000 years ago, Romans had to throw Christians to the lions. Now they go willingly!
MSNBC - Man tries to convert lions to Jesus, gets bitten
TAIPEI, Taiwan - A man leaped into a lion's den at the Taipei Zoo on Wednesday to try to convert the king of beasts to Christianity, but was bitten in the leg for his efforts."Jesus will save you!" shouted the 46-year-old man at two African lions lounging under a tree a few meters away.
October 21, 2004
What if Kerry and Bush were roommates?
Let's have the wonderful Sims2 sort it out. Features cameos by Saddam and Osama.
October 20, 2004
Milly and Rupe Go For a Stroll
I wonder if the makers of Photoshop ever thought their app would mostly be used to make silly things like the Milly and Rupe Gallery?
October 12, 2004
Laura - Diary of a White Trash Girl
The always non-awful Something Awful has a long-running thread I've just noticed. Essential reading for this afternoon...Working at Goodwill, one procures not only a loathing for the greater parts of their local community, but a great many interesting oddities as well. I came across one of my more curious souvenirs today as I cleaned out old drawers: A diary detailing the depressing life of perhaps the most white-trash girl I have imagined. I have been in possession of said book for about a year and a half, and I read through it once at work to give my boredom a kick. However, it wasn’t until I further analyzed the journal that I realized how utterly depressing and hopeless the track of her life was/is (this diary is from the ‘93 period, of which time she must have been a teenager). However, despite all this, parts of this journey into Laura are nothing short of utterly hilarious. Part of me feels bad about posting all this, but then again, I don’t know this person at all and someone donated it anyways. For the time being, enjoy the shenanigans of this complete stranger. I’ll be typing entries as well as linking to the actual journal, and if people like the first bits I’ll definitely do more. This stuff just gets better and better, and it’s LONG. Plenty of hilarious details. On with it. I am making no spelling or grammatical corrections. Everything is as written.
You can continue the diary on page 20, as the in between pages are comments. There's even an audio book being made, read in a posh British accent, along with an accompanying Flash cartoon. Ah, the Web.
The Internet Cat Photo Collection
If there's a better gallery of funny cat photos, I haven't seen it. The first photo on page one is a winner. Amazing Cat Collection
September 29, 2004
Avengers Disassembled
Make hilarity in the comfort of your own home with a cardboard box, Photoshop, and $300 worth of action figures. What a hoot.
By way of Metafilter
September 22, 2004
An Unsolicited Commercial Love Story
Bag-shopping Christian single looking for handsome man also into bag shopping. Considering pregnancy. Another modest classic over at Cockeyed.com.
August 18, 2004
Doing a Lynndie
Can I be outraged at Iraqi prisoner abuse while at the same time laugh mightily at cheeky Brits' reappropriation of Lynndie's pose? Why, yes.
By way of Boing Boing
July 20, 2004
TMBG Meets Homestar Runner!
I don't know how recent this is, but They Might Be Giants have teamed up with Homestar Runner for a music video. Guest appearances by Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, and Strong Mad. Um, and if you don't know of it already, we all love Homestar Runner!
July 15, 2004
This Land Is Their Land
Although once it was made for you and me.Terrific election year flash animation!
By way of Daily Kos
May 6, 2004
David, Not Christopher
You gotta love the tracklisting for David Cross' new album, It's Not Funny:
1. Certain Leaders in Government Look or Act like Certain Pop Culture References!
2. Women, Please Rinse Off Your Vagina and Anus!
3. A Rapid Series of Comical Noises!
4. I've Taken a Popular Contemporary Pop Song and Changed the Lyrics to Comment on the Proliferation of Starbucks in My Neighborhood!
5. Although Indigent, Rural Families Have Little to Say in the Matter, Third Rate Public Education Has Kept Them Ignorant and Thus, Great Sources of Ridicule!
6. My Child is Enthralling, Especially When It Says Something Unexpectedly Precocious Even Though It Doesn't Understand What It Just Said!
7. My Immigrant Mom Talks Funny!
8. When It Comes to Jews, Behavior One Might Perceive as Obnoxious and Annoying I Present as "Quirky" but It's Okay to Joke About It Because I, Myself, Am Jewish!
9. Pandering to the Locals!
10. Even Though I Am in the Closet, That Won’t Prevent Me from Getting Cheap Laughs at the Expense of Homosexuals!
11. Weathermen Have Become, for the Most Part, Obsolete!
12. When All is Said and Done, I am Lonely and Miserable and Barely Able to Mask My Contempt for the Audience as I Trot Out the Same Sorry Act I've Been Doing Since the Mid-Eighties!
April 27, 2004
How Much Is Inside?
How Much Is Inside? Real science by real people, asking the questions we really want answered: How much toothpaste in a tube? How many noodles in a packet of ramen?
Helping these guys is a collection of girlfriends, all of whom, I have noticed are very cute. See--science can get you tha' ladies, you just have to drop studying quantum physics and pick up the Doritos.
April 7, 2004
Assembly of God: Ridding the world of the Evil Easter Bunny
This is the sect Asscroft belongs to, by the way. Well done in traumatizing the kiddies, you humorless, awful people.
Easter Bunny whipped at church show; some families upset
Wednesday, April 07, 2004A church trying to teach about the crucifixion of Jesus performed an Easter show with actors whipping the Easter bunny and breaking eggs, upsetting several parents and young children.
People who attended Saturday's performance at Glassport's memorial stadium quoted performers as saying, "There is no Easter bunny," and described the show as being a demonstration of how Jesus was crucified.
Melissa Salzmann, who took her 4-year-old son J.T., said the program was inappropriate for young children. "He was crying and asking me why the bunny was being whipped," Salzmann said.
March 14, 2004
The Gospel of Debbie
This short piece by Paul Rudnick has got to be one of the funniest "Shouts and Murmurs" in the New Yorker for a long time.
March 12Everyone is just getting so mean. They’re all going, Debbie, he is so not divine, Debbie, you’ll believe anything, Debbie, what about last year when you were worshipping ponchos? And I so don’t trust that Judas Iscariot, who’s always staring at me when I walk to the well and he’s saying, hey, Deb, nice jugs, and I’m like, oh ha ha ha, get some oxen.
March 12, 2004
Endorphin Torture
My friend who is a video game animator just sent me this show reel (10mb) from a company and/or a product called Endorphin, announcing the next stage in motion capture. To my friend it's a showreel for creating more and more lifelike humans for videogames and movies. To me, it's a "Faces of Death" compilation of CG human torture and violence. Watch as a poor little man made of blocks is repeatedly shot in the head and chest, tripped, bound, blown up, and kicked in the nuts. "And it's not just humans!" it proclaims, followed by CG horses falling in mid-gallop, all certainly bound for the CG glue factory.
Where's the CG Amnesty International when you need them?
March 10, 2004
What's Brown and Sounds Like a Bell?
I have no idea what these cute anime maggots are singing about (it's in Korean), but they sure do love big curly piles of poo!
DUNG!
By way of Metafilter, I believe. I could be wrong.
March 8, 2004
Q: What's the word? A: Thunderbird
A daring taste test of the top 5 best selling "wines" among the homeless. There for the name of science go...who are these people? I never knew that both Thunderbird and Night Train are bottled by E. & J. Gallo. Who woulda thunk it? What I want to know is what is actually in these drinks. And I don't want to find out by drinking them.
Bum WinesA funny link, easily overlooked, by way of Boing Boing
Cisco
18% alc. by vol.Cisco is bottled by the nation's second largest wine company, Canandaigua Wine Co., in Canandaigua, NY and Naples, NY - the same company as Wild Irish Rose.
Known as "liquid crack," for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely "citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color," but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of Cisco-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too. Everyone who drinks this feels great at first, and claims, "It's not bad at all, I like it." But, you really do not want to mess around with this one, because they all sing a different tune a few minutes later. And by tune, I mean the psychotic ramblings of a raging naked bum.
The 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles!
Are these things real? Still, good for a laugh.
The 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles !
By way of Fleshbot
March 4, 2004
I haven't seen Mel's Passion yet, but...
Surely, Alfred Jarry's version is much more creative.
The Passion Considered as an Uphill Bicycle RaceBarabbas, slated to race, was scratched.
Pilate, the starter, pulling out his clepsydra or water clock, an operation which wet his hands unless he had merely spit on them -- Pilate gave the send-off.
Jesus got away to a good start.
In those days, according to the excellent sports commentator St. Matthew, it was customary to flagellate the sprinters at the start the way a coachman whips his horses. The whip both stimulates and gives a hygienic massage. Jesus, then, got off in good form, but he had a fiat right away. A bed of thorns punc tured the whole circumference of his front tire.
February 29, 2004
Brother, Have You Heard the Good News?
Goodle Good News.
Oh yes.
February 25, 2004
Jack the Ripper Parts 2-16
Funny found-tape of some kid riffing in and out of (presumably) his parents' spirituality tape as he tapes over it. I used to make tapes like this but not so, um, clean. Go to the page here and search for the Jack the Ripper link or go straight to the RealAudio.
I Did It for Science: Sex Doll
"Real Dolls" are the next generation of sex dolls--very lifelife pieces of plastic that for thousands of bucks you can customize and shag in the privacy of your own basement. Nerve's Grant Stoddard does the right, investigative-reporter thing and tells us what it's really like to stick your pee-pee in one. Hilarity.
February 21, 2004
StinkyMeat
Amateur science experiments involving meat are what makes the Internet special. StinkyMeat
Thy Grooming is Terrible
Qveere Eye for thye Medieval Man. Well, vy forsoothe, it is spotte-onne.
October 28, 2003
Steve Jobs: Black Power Conspiracy?
Spike Lee, man, you were robbed again!
I have yet to hear anyone state the obvious: The whole design of Mac's new OS X package is a blatant copy of Lee's 1992 "Malcolm X" poster.
People: "X"?
"Panther"?
"Black...Panther"?
Is Steve Jobs making a Black Power comparison here? Look at yet another example.
You think those venetian blinds are a coincidence???
September 21, 2003
Thom Yorke vs. Fifth Grade Art Class
What happens when you subject a fifth grade class to selections from Radiohead and then get them to draw their impressions? You get samples of artwork for their new album.
A funny post from the East Bay Express.
By way of Metafilter
August 31, 2003
Completely Booty.
Well, ho ho ho! It turns out that Lapdance Island was a sham by some Channel 4 "Candid Camera" knock-off. I got a letter that read in part:
The show promised to take ten hot blooded male contestants to a deserted tropical island and have forty lapdancers gyrate around them 24 hours a day.The truth is there are no lapdancers. There is no island. There is no show.
We made it up to promote The Pilot Show, a genuine series starting on September 8 at 10.30pm on E4. The Pilot Show hilariously dupes unsuspecting celebrities and members of the public into appearing in bogus TV shows.
Sorry about the lapdancers but, as compensation, you can laugh as other people get taken for a ride on The Pilot Show by watching the special preview clips at http://www.channel4.com/pilotshow.
Oh, very witty, ha ha ha. I think that Channel 4 missed out on making some real gutsy TV here, as I would have loved to have seen grown men having nervous breakdowns while surrounded by equally unstable lapdancers in a Lord of the Thongs scenario.
And to think I sent in my answers to their poll:
August 10, 2003
Actual figure may vary slightly from item shown
No, no, no. Wrong, wrong, wrong. On the other hand, I have a feeling that many advance orders are being filled right now by legions of student filmmakers. I just hope Commander Bunnypants winds up taking his orders from an anatomically correct Ken doll.
Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush
July 4, 2003
So Fresh, So Clean
Another classic from Jack Chick. This one features two worrisome examples of "yoof culchur" learning to fear Jesus and the "Lake of Fire" that they'll be tossed into if they don't tow the biblical line. Apparently, where the artist is from, scary teens wear (stolen?) National Park Ranger hats. By the by, there is no link; this is from a Chick pamphlet given to my dad in a park. And the Jack T. Chick site seems to be down. Could it be....Satan?
July 1, 2003
Misery Loves Comedy
No doubt many will say, "it took you long enough!", but I just found my way onto the very hilarious (and long, long, long) site, Things My Girldriend and I Have Argued About, a scientific study of one poor English fellow being driven mad by his German girlfriend. Supposedly a novel-like adaptation is coming soon. This is the raw truth and it hurts in a funny way.
Found by way of Boing Boing
June 19, 2003
An Ode to Mupesa Solomon
Ever got one of those spams supposedly from some poor resident of an African dictatorship promising you a 10% cut of millions of dollars if you help them squirrel some money out of the country? Sure, we all have. You ever wonder who these people are? An intrepid Scot and his buddies abroad set out to scam the scammers. This is absolutely brilliant stuff, and worth the long reading time. Thanks to my friend Chris for passing this on.
April 26, 2003
My Beard, Reviewed
Today's best chuckle, over at the McSweeney's site: McSweeney's Internet Tendency: My Beard, Reviewed.
April 22, 2003
Wife-Subduing Air Raid
Reuters | Wife-Subduing Air Raid Siren Confiscated
Mon April 21, 2003 08:35 AM ET
BERLIN (Reuters) - A 73-year-old man who used an air raid siren to stun his wife into submission has had it confiscated by German police.
"My wife never lets me get a word in edgeways," the man identified as Vladimir R. told Mannheim police. "So I crank up the siren and let it rip for a few minutes. It works every time. Afterwards, it's real quiet again."
A police spokesman said neighbors had complained at the noise from the 220-volt rooftop device, believed to be an old-fashioned air raid siren.
Rosina, Vladimir's wife of 32 years, said she sometimes had to yell to get his attention. "My husband is a stubborn mule so I have to get loud."
April 18, 2003
Yes.
Yes. (Sent in by Berry, my sister-in-law.)
April 16, 2003
Another great wacky Christian story!
Another great wacky Christian story!
Woman sues for religious harassmentApril 16, 2003
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) -- A woman with bipolar disorder is suing her former boss for religious harassment, claiming he blamed her disorder on unconfessed sins and fired her because it was "God's will."Michelle Subwick, 35, filed the lawsuit Tuesday in Palm Beach Circuit Court against Mark Kielar, president of WJMK Television Productions. She is asking for back pay, damages and attorney fees.
Kielar in a statement Wednesday denied the claims.
Subwick, who is a Christian, claims Kielar told her disorder resulted from Satan infiltrating her life. He advised her to pray daily with him, but she was fired when she stopped the sessions, the lawsuit claims.
March 21, 2003
Rude Food
Okay, you need some good, cheap laffs these days. I'm finding them here at Rude Food, where foreign food products that sound smutty have been collected for your giggling pleasure.
February 27, 2003
Cowboy Bebop's Andy and
Cowboy Bebop's Andy and George "Five-Gallon Head" Bush:
Separated at Birth?
More Cowboy Bebop Precog?
A few days ago I posted about the Cowboy Bebop episode with its portrayal of the Space Shuttle Columbia and a re-entry that nearly destroys the ship. Well, last night I watched another episode that had strange parallels with today.
Called "Cowboy Funk" (Session #22), the story features a mad bomber, Mr. Teddy Bomber, who has been setting off bombs in various high rises. The episode opens on one of these, looking like a combination of the World Trade Center and Malaysia's Petronas Towers (it has a connecting structure halfway up). Spike catches the bomber before he is allowed to detonate the bombs (disguised as teddy bears), but before he can handcuff him, another bounty hunter called "Andy" appears and screws the whole thing up, thinking that Spike is the bomber, and letting the culprit go free. The scene culminates in the connecting structure exploding and falling to the city below, creating a dust cloud not unlike the WTC aftermath.
As Andy is written, he's a big dope, a brainless, righteous faux-cowboy who creates disaster wherever he goes. Sound familiar to the phony Kennebunkport cowboy set on destroying the world? Ya think? Later we see that Andy is actually a spoiled rich kid who lives on a large yacht, and Faye Valentine meets him for dinner.
FAYE: Um... So why are you a bounty hunter? If you're so rich, uh, I mean if you have so much comfort in your life...ANDY: Why, Let's see... BECAUSE it suits me. That feeling a cowboy gets when he corners a bull.
Andy laughs heartily. Faye forces laughter.
FAYE: Oh... but you don't have to go after such a dangerous bounty, do you?
ANDY: Yes! I don't worry about things like that! Once I set my mind on something, I can see NOTHING else!
Sounds like our single-minded monkey king, no doubt. Purely a coincidence, but there's further parallels. Spike and Andy get so wrapped up in their jealous hatred of each other that they lose track of the bomber, allowing him to explode several more devices. Sound a bit like the U.S.'s foreign policy? Just where is Osama "Wanted Dead or Alive" bin Laden, O Crawford Cowboy? (Trouble with this comparison is that Spike Siegel is our hero and not in any way like Hussain!)
And the bomber's philosophy? Pure Ted Kaczynski: "I wanted to give a warning against all the unnecessary waste created by capitalism lacking philosophy. Planets that needlessly get colonized. Media that needlessly get circulated. And buildings that are needlessly tall to symbolize all of this! And by destroying them, I wanted to raise the question of how a true pioneer should be."
This is one of the funniest episodes so far, in a series that can swing from sentimental to absurd, episode by episode.
Andy image by way of Bebopdabebop.
Chimpy McCokespoon image by way of George W. Bush: Smirking Arrogance
February 14, 2003
As found on Die Puny
As found on Die Puny Humans:
Man requests Jesus for legal helpGAINESVILLE, Missouri (AP) -- A Missouri man is calling on a higher power for his legal representation.
Richard John Adams requested Jesus Christ as his trial attorney during a hearing Wednesday on tampering charges. Adams, who described himself as a patriot and a Christian, says lawyers are "devils" who are trying to undermine the Constitution.
Ozark County Circuit Judge John Moody told Adams the only person who can speak for him in the courtroom is a lawful attorney.
Adams is charged with tampering with a judge for hostile comments made during an earlier traffic case. He faces a maximum of 14 years in prison if convicted of both counts.
"I'm out of order? You're out of order! This whole f***ing legal system based on secular ideas and not on the Divine Law of God is out of order!!!!"
February 7, 2003
This Little Piggie Went to Market
This image fills me with indescribable joy today.
February 2, 2003
The Age of Irony Is
The Age of Irony Is Dead. When they first said this, I didn't want to believe it, but after reading the Reader Mail at the most excellent satirical page WhiteHouse.org, I'm inclined to agree. The number of readers who can't see that this is straight-forward parody is staggering, from the frothing at the mouth, can-barely-suppress misogyny/homophobia/racism right wing chowder head to the humorless and over-earnest liberal ding-dong. There surely is no hope.
One of my many favorites:
SUBJECT = Mr. Predsident
NAME = Nancy & Clovis B. Vaughn
E-MAIL = promo@dc.rr.com
MESSAGE = My Husband, Major Clovis B. Vaughn is an Officer and an Engineer at 29 Palms Marine Base and a Texan, and a Graduate from Rice U ,and a strong supporter of you Mr. President along with my self Sir. Would you please see to it that Major Vaughn can meet with you Mr. President?, sometimes men need your support Sir, and may I please shake your hand.We both thank the Lord that we have taken back the Goverment and that it is time for us to succeed!
This has nothing to do with my Husbnd Mr. President ,but my town Palm Springs Ca needs your help, with up as it has gone to ,,well to Lucefer as it is now currently 80% to 20% Homosexuals, a discusting way of life Sir, why is it ok in todays life to be imoral? The Mayor has told us in the Desert Sun Newspaper that he has given up on Jesus Christ.
Your Very Pround,
Voter,
Nancy Ann Vaughn
And then there's this genius from somewhere in Canada (warning, there's lots of swearing below):
SUBJECT = holy shit
NAME = gordon
E-MAIL = gordonsands@hotmail.com
MESSAGE = What the fuck were you sticking up your ass when you came up with this fucing site? That is fucking pathetic! HOLY SHIT 5% of Americans don't masturbate, guess what that means...95% of you do!! Now I don't have a degree in math or shit like that but 95% doing something is the majority of the population. Oh guess what? All these rapists, sodomites you talk about who were masturbators- becoming the worst criminals in the world, well guess what? I masturbate once a week or so and I'm studying to be a doctor(hey that means that I got into a really good university and one day may have to do a surgery on your sorry ass after someone kicks the shit out of it!) and I would never rape, sodomize, or look at a kid with nary a fantasy of sex with them EVER; so even if a few masturbators become heinous criminals- well when 95% of the people in the USA masturbate then more than likely anyone who masturbated (hey that's almost 240,000,000!) would be a criminal. So shut the fuck up about everything and suck my dick. Oh yeah, just who the FUCK do you think you can get that will help you outlaw masturbation? I am so glad I'm a Canadian when I read stupid shit like this, you've got a fucking hick for a president and some of the worse laws in the world. I hope you all fucking rot in hell!Oh PS....I don't mean to be critical or anything but anyone who believes that god was always there, and that jesus fed like a million people from a fucking loaf of bread, or that he rose from the dead has to have something SERIOUSLY fucked up with them. I think almost every- no EVERY man in America and the world agrees with me, because I know that every single man in the world who can and it is in their religion has masturbated, even YOU faggot.
Remember, this guy is studying to be a doctor someday.
January 29, 2003
Recently, in my spare hours
Recently, in my spare hours lying awake at night thinking of the earth's IMPENDING DESTRUCTION AT THE HANDS OF A MONKEY, I comfort myself with reading selections from The Gospel According to Alex.
Linked from Fridge Magnet Concoctions
January 24, 2003
Everybody has seen those "Chinese
Everybody has seen those "Chinese Titles for American Movies" email, which to me have always seemed phony. Oliver Stone's "Nixon" is translated as "Big Fat Liar" and so on--all coincidentally tailored to American humor.
Well, over at leylop's blog about China she has some real translations. Most are tame, as expected, but occasionally there's some doozies, more surreal than anything:
As Good As It Gets: Mr. Cats' Shit ( mao shi xian sheng )
Charlie's Angels: Lightning Cutie ( pi li tian shi )
Fargo: Moisturizing Lotion Murder ( xue hua gao li qi ming an )
Thelma & Louise: The Crazy Flower At The End Of The Road ( mo lu kuang hua )
In the Bedroom: The Incestuous Love ( luan lun zhi lian )
Top Gun: Lofty Ideal Above The Clouds ( zhuang zhi lin yun )
The Big Lebowski: Murdering the Green Toes ( mou sha lv jiao zhi )
Apparently, the Coen Brothers give the Chinese a lot of trouble.
January 17, 2003
Man, not only are those
Man, not only are those trading cards brilliant but The Propaganda Remix Project is even more so, with these updated World War II posters. A hit, a very palpable hit. Over 100 posters to choose from; which one will be yours?
How can one make sense
How can one make sense of the War On Terrorism? How about using Kinbote's American Crusade 2001 Trading Cards? I'm sure you will agree they're doubleplusgood. They're all pretty hilarious, and it was hard to pick two, but here, lookee:
Wheee! Trade 'em all!
January 15, 2003
Kung Fu Grip!
This is precious, and so in need of a smutty caption, I thought I'd leave it up to you. Please suggest something via the "Comment" link below!
Photo from Tsinghua University
Linked from the fascinating China Blog
January 12, 2003
Scenes from inside Karl Rove's Head
Scenes from inside Karl Rove's head.
Photo from X-Entertainment
Is it some sort of coincidence that following on from finding that clown-and-angry-child-driver record cover, I then run across this vying for the last crumbs of my sanity? Here's a review of the straight to video atrocity, Rainbow Brite at the San Diego Zoo! for which no amount of drugs will make your viewing experience enjoyable.
This Web page keeps playing this scary, Psycho-esque music while you read. Turns out this is not the theme tune from Rainbow Brite, but the web ad for the Signs DVD at the end of the page. Brrr.
Linked from Time Enough at Last
January 11, 2003
Dmitry's Unofficial Album Covers
Ever wonder what would happen if all rock groups had to have album covers designed for them conceptually a la Yes, circa 1974? And what if they never got past the first gouache rough? That's what Dmitry A. Kazakov is doing over at his Unofficial Album Covers page. Here's his Traffic-inspired Beatl's cover (note apostrophe). I want to see what he does for The White Album.
The Realm of the Truly Awful
This is surely the most frightening album cover ever.
(from SomethingAwful)
