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January 31, 2003

Terry Jones of Monty Python

Terry Jones of Monty Python fame has his say.


Terry Jones: I'm losing patience with my neighbours, Mr Bush

Terry Jones
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I!

For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.

January 30, 2003

Okay, so first we're all

Okay, so first we're all traitors. Now we're all Iraqi spies. They'll say anything to try to shut us up (and lock us up).


Exclusive: Report: Iraqi spies in U.S.

By JAMES GORDON MEEK
DAILY NEWS WASHINGTON BUREAU

WASHINGTON - Iraq sent spies from Canada to New York and Washington this month to snoop and stir up anti-war demonstrations, according to a government report obtained by the Daily News.

The classified document also reveals a plot by Al Qaeda-linked militants in Zimbabwe to attack American targets in that country and elsewhere if the U.S. declares war on Iraq.

January 29, 2003

Recently, in my spare hours

Recently, in my spare hours lying awake at night thinking of the earth's IMPENDING DESTRUCTION AT THE HANDS OF A MONKEY, I comfort myself with reading selections from The Gospel According to Alex.
Linked from Fridge Magnet Concoctions

The outrage builds and spreads.

The outrage builds and spreads. Gotta hand it to the Episcopalians!

Episcopalian leader lashes out at Bush for 'reprehensible' policy

Tuesday, January 14, 2003
BY KEVIN ECKSTROM
RELIGION NEWS SERVICE

WASHINGTON -- The top bishop of the Episcopal Church, in a stinging rebuke of American foreign policy, said the United States is rightly "hated and loathed" around the world for its "reprehensible" rhetoric and blind eye toward poverty and suffering.

"I'd like to be able to go somewhere in the world and not have to apologize for being from the United States," Presiding Bishop Frank T. Griswold 3rd said Friday in an interview with Religion News Service.

Griswold, head of the 2.3million-member church, blasted the Bush administration for its wartime rhetoric, especially labeling Iran, Iraq and North Korea an "axis of evil."

"Quite apart from the bombs we drop, words are weapons and we have used our language so unwisely, so intemperately, so thoughtlessly ... that I'm not surprised we are hated and loathed everywhere I go," he said.


In essence, we are headed

In essence, we are headed by a South American, banana republic style dictator says this witty article in the Guardian.

American presidents all mixed up

In a bizarre twist, global bankers love Lula and despair of Bush

Richard Adams
Wednesday January 29, 2003
The Guardian

It's surprising that no one has noticed this, but it looks as if there has been a terrible mix-up involving American presidents.

For some time there have been suggestions that US president George Bush doesn't know what's he is doing. The answer is simple: he's supposed to be the president of Brazil.

Meanwhile, Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva - or Lula, as the new president of Brazil is known - should be president of the United States. The mix-up is obvious, when you consider the facts.

Wealthy oligarchs, who reach high office through nepotism, promoting friends of their family into government while presiding over corporate sleaze, and running up vast debts by making tax giveaways to their rich, rightwing supporters - that's the sort of behaviour that South American presidents are renowned for.

Meanwhile, policies of stern fiscal prudence, applauded by the international financial markets, coupled with tough welfare reform, is what is expected from leaders of the United States.

But in a bizarre geo-political twist, these stereotypes have been turned on their heads. While the president of South America's most important country couldn't be more different as a person than the president of North America's most important country, it's hard not to think the world would be a better place if the two men swapped jobs.

For another frightening Bush game,

For another frightening Bush game, check out Andy Foulds Flash Designs. Navigate using the blocks at the bottom. The Bush that follows your cursor around the screen is particularly unnerving.

January 28, 2003

I met many people tonight

I met many people tonight who just had to get out of the house so they could avoid Little Caesar's State of the Empire speech. I should have told them that they could have stayed at home and had minutes of fun with the Make Your Own Bush Speech Flash animation.

January 27, 2003

A preview of the vile,

A preview of the vile, horrific destruction we are going to be visiting on innocent people soon. This is gut-wrenching stuff. Can't we do anything?


AlterNet: "Shock and Awe": Guernica Revisited

By Gar Smith, AlterNet

January 27, 2003


Forget Osama. Forget Saddam. The Pentagon's newest target is the city of Baghdad.

US military strategists have announced a plan to pummel the Iraqi capital with as many as 800 cruise missiles in the space of two days. If George W. Bush gets the war he wants, Baghdad could become the 21st Century's Guernica.

On April 26, 1937, 25 Nazi bombers dropped 100,000 pounds of bombs and incendiaries on the peaceful Basque village. Seventy percent of the town was destroyed and 1,500 people, a third of the population, were killed.

The Pentagon now predicts that its Baghdad blitzkrieg could approximate the devastation of a nuclear explosion. "The sheer size of this has never been... contemplated before," one Pentagon strategist boasted to CBS News. "There will not be a safe place in Baghdad," a city of 5 million people.

The Pentagon dubbed its cold-blooded attack plan "Shock and Awe" , a bizarre conjunction of trauma and admiration. Shock and awe were the very emotions that Americans experienced on Sept. 11, 2001. Now, like the 9/11 terrorists, Bush and Co. are planning a similar act of almost unparalleled ferocity , a devastating premeditated attack on a civilian urban population.

Guy Maddin's Dracula

My latest review is up at the Valley Voice, this being on Guy Maddin's Dracula.

World to Bush: "Everybody hates

World to Bush: "Everybody hates you and they think you're an idiot."
Bush: "Nuh-uh!"


World rebels against America

HAROON SIDDIQUI
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates

Having positioned enough U.S. troops and equipment all around this Persian Gulf neighbourhood, George W. Bush can launch a war on Iraq any time, with or without United Nations' approval. But he has already lost the political war.

That came through loud and clear in my journey through Europe, the Middle East and Asia in the last three weeks. It should become evident to North Americans in the days ahead.

Tomorrow, the United Nations arms inspectors will call for a continuation of their work to disarm Iraq peacefully.

On Tuesday, Bush will deliver his State of the Union address and be applauded on Capitol Hill and in the obeisant American and copycat neo-con Canadian media. But around the world, his words likely will bring public derision, so eroded is American credibility. A similar fate awaits the promised American "evidence" against Iraq.

On Wednesday, when the Security Council meets, France, assisted by Germany, will lead Russia, China and others in resisting American calls for a U.N. mandate for war. For the first time in its history, the council may be confronted with an anti-American resolution.

Geneva Convention? We don' need

Geneva Convention? We don' need no stinkin' Geneva Convention! We can torture your ass anywhere and anyhow, because Generalissimo El Busho (as Ted Rall calls him) says so! (Hey, Mr. Protestor cum Enemy Combatant, you're next!)

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | US interrogators turn to 'torture lite' The LA-based constitutional lawyer Stephen Rohde said that the US was already violating the Geneva convention by its interrogation of prisoners: "Donald Rumsfeld has been boasting about the information [from prisoners] as a valid reason for holding them indefinitely without lawyers and without charging them. We are violating the Geneva convention by interrogating them."

The Taliban prisoners should only have been required to give their name, rank, serial number and date of birth, he said. Lawyers representing those being interrogated have expressed their concern.

"I have never seen clients treated so badly" said Randy Hamud, the San Diego-based lawyer who has represented a number of the Arab men detained last year, some of whom are still in custody. "The constitution has been cast aside. The United States is no longer the moral leader of the world."

January 26, 2003

Go USA! Go USA! While

Go USA! Go USA! While the majority of Americans will spend today yelling at a TV set, spraying potato shards from their mouth and from the upturned imitation wood-grain plastic bowl, and generally OD'ing on their own football-initiated testosterone, some are missing the game . . . because they've been incarcerated! What fun!

Apparently, Super Bowl Fervor also means locking up random brown people!


Yahoo! News - INS Detains 69 Foreigners in Super Bowl Sweep
Sports - Reuters
Fri Jan 24, 8:50 PM ET

By Sarah Tippit

SAN DIEGO, Calif. (Reuters) - Federal officials on Friday said they planned to detain more foreign-born security and transportation workers after arresting 69 people as part of a controversial security crackdown ahead of the Super Bowl that has outraged local immigrant community leaders.

U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service officials initially said agents had finished a probe of suspected illegal immigrants who might have had high-level access to San Diego's Qualcomm stadium, but then said that reviews of 1,000 more workers still had to be completed by Sunday's game.

Jiminy Christmas! The good ol'

Jiminy Christmas! The good ol' Brit tabloid Daily Mirror is at it again! Here in the Yoo-Nye-Ted States such a poster/petition campaign would be tucked away in the lower left-hand corner of last month's Z Magazine. This is the front cover of a bleedin' mainstream paper! And the readers responded, turning in by last count 70,000 front-cover petitions.

January 24, 2003

Everybody has seen those "Chinese

Everybody has seen those "Chinese Titles for American Movies" email, which to me have always seemed phony. Oliver Stone's "Nixon" is translated as "Big Fat Liar" and so on--all coincidentally tailored to American humor.
Well, over at leylop's blog about China she has some real translations. Most are tame, as expected, but occasionally there's some doozies, more surreal than anything:

As Good As It Gets: Mr. Cats' Shit ( mao shi xian sheng )
Charlie's Angels: Lightning Cutie ( pi li tian shi )
Fargo: Moisturizing Lotion Murder ( xue hua gao li qi ming an )
Thelma & Louise: The Crazy Flower At The End Of The Road ( mo lu kuang hua )
In the Bedroom: The Incestuous Love ( luan lun zhi lian )
Top Gun: Lofty Ideal Above The Clouds ( zhuang zhi lin yun )
The Big Lebowski: Murdering the Green Toes ( mou sha lv jiao zhi )

Apparently, the Coen Brothers give the Chinese a lot of trouble.

Over at Salon there's a

Over at Salon there's a good article on the science of measuring crowd numbers, important when we have all these demonstrations recently. One main conclusion: there were actually probably more protestors in San Francisco than in D.C., and D.C.'s crowd probably came to 60,000, not 500,000.

It's the end of the

It's the end of the week, and it's a great big grab-bag of evil!

The BushJunta have chosen Jerry Thacker, a Bob Jones (i.e. Christian Fundamentalist) graduate, who calls AIDS the Gay Plague, among other intelligent and tolerant ideas, to serve on the Presidential Advisory Commission on HIV and AIDS. But of course, because, as you see, black is white, and up is down.

This is also the same arrogance that appoints a rabid anti-environment nutjob like Richard Pombo to oversee the House Natural Resources Committee, a man who's said that environmentalists were commies, that elephants should be hunted for their ivory, and who is dead set on overturning the Endangered Species Act. This guy needs to sent out to pasture, pronto!

Over at the Guardian, there's a report about securing Iraq's oil fields


At the meeting, on the future of a post-Saddam Iraq - details of which have been disclosed to the Guardian - the state department stressed that protection of the oilfields was "issue number one".

True dat.

In France, they're reacting to Rumsfeld's remarks about France and Germany being "Old Europe" i.e., not following American in goosestep.

But there's good news! Yahoo News reports Senate Blocks Funding for Pentagon Database, telling the Illuminati that they can't have unlimited access to all our computer information. Ha!

Meanwhile, Ted Rall points out that Americans are so insular because only seven percent of Americans own a passport--fewer than 20 million people--and only a fraction of those ever use one. (I'd like to know where this figure comes from).

And the most pleasing thing I've seen all day: White House reporter and woman with more cajones than the other reporters combined, Helen Thomas, has this to say about Shrub: "This is the worst president ever," she said. "He is the worst president in all of American history."

Blake - Peter Ackroyd

Finally finished Peter Ackroyd’s Blake biography.

This is an excellent book, and presents a Blake who spent his life frustrated and unable to rise higher than a barely employed engraver. He began with high hopes, and wished to continue to study art in Italy as a young student, but could neither afford it or find a patron. He had to turn to engraving to make a living, and even though he was brilliant at it, his employers really just saw his work as an adjunct to the writing he was illustrating. They also thought he was nuts, seeing spirits and angels wherever he went, talking about visions, writing them down. Even his friends regarded him with a stand-offish pity. Yet none of his contemporaries are even slightly remembered today, and Blake is a prophetic genius. His battles with art and commerce sound very, very contemporary, as are his opinions on such matters. He spent most of his life in London (a very different London than today, and brought to life vividly by Ackroyd. Blake spent a lot of time on the edge of suburban spawl, and watched it engulf his surrounding—again very contemporary, especially for us on the California coast!)

He did, however, have as good as a death as they come, laying in bed and sweetly fading away, singing, talking to his dear wife, and looking forward to finally moving over to the spirit world in which he had often wandered in his visions. Better than going out in a drug induced stupor or blowing your head off, that’s for sure.

Ackroyd doesn’t spend much time on the poems, but there is enough explication to make you want to go reread his work, even the very difficult longer works. I've been a Blake fan since high school, and an Ackroyd admirer not long after that.

For those interested in reading all of Blake’s work, and seeing the original plates, there’s a excellent web site here, The Blake Archive.

Remember folks, if Blake was alive today, he would have had all that art and genius medicated out of him! Ask your doctor about it.

January 23, 2003

Finally, I have put up

Finally, I have put up a page detailing the protest march last Saturday. Check out the true story of how I walked up State Street surrounded by 5,000 like-minded people. Here's a taste of some of the protest signs to be found within:

Madness, madness, they call it

Madness, madness, they call it madness
Over at Capitol Hill Blue they have these belligerent outbursts.


Intelligenced sources say some Arab nations have told US diplomats they may side with Iraq if the U.S. attacks without the backing of the United Nations. Secretary of State Colin Powell agrees with his former colleagues at the Pentagon and has told the President he may be pursuing a "dangerous course."

An angry Rumsfeld, who backs Bush without question, is said to have told the Joint Chiefs to get in line or find other jobs. Bush is also said to be "extremely angry" at what he perceives as growing Pentagon opposition to his role as Commander in Chief.

"The President considers this nation to be at war," a White House source says, "and, as such, considers any opposition to his policies to be no less than an act of treason."

Well, Chimpy McCokespoon, I guess you better get a big jail to hold the millions and millions of those so-called "traitors".

Well, I guess I was

Well, I guess I was a bit wrong. ABC News covered the "Made in USA" box shenanigan yesterday. BuzzFlash linked to it today.

January 22, 2003

Commander Bunnypants spoke in a

Commander Bunnypants spoke in a cold warehouse full of boxes today, with large lettering helping distract the crowd from the obvious twaddle he was spewing.

"See, war will kill soldiers. Less soldiers means more jobs!"

The most interesting article on this propaganda stop was over on Chinese/Taiwanese Yahoo News.

You most probably won't be able to read this, but the lovely Jessica translated. Seems that when Bush spoke in front of the boxes, all the boxes read "Made in the USA," all suspiciously stamped on in big enough letters to be read by the cameras.

The enterprising Taiwanese reporter went around the back of these photogenic boxes and found the truth: they were actually labeled "Made in Hong Kong", "Made in Taiwan", and "Made in China". What a surprise.

The article points out that not only was the Made in USA stencil used, but if you look closely at the photo below you can see the brown tape covering any other signs of the boxes' true origins. Talk about being sold a phony bill of goods.

"I get to decide who lives or dies! Wheeeeee!"

Now check out the American press reports on it here and here. Not one mention of it--of course--and one even gets the trucking company's name wrong. (Why does speaking in a warehouse full of boxes in near-freezing temperatures remind me of some of the stops of Spinal Tap's low-ebb tour?)

And why do I have to READ ABOUT THIS IN THE TAIWANESE PRESS AND HAVE IT TRANSLATED so I can get me some truth?

Just when you thought things

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse the AP reports that Judge orders Verizon to turn over user information to RIAA, where Verizon must give over information about a "music pirate" who was sharing over 600 songs (wow! he said, with nearly 1,000 songs on his iTunes) over the Internet.


By Ted Bridis
Jan. 21, 2003 | WASHINGTON (AP) --

Internet providers must abide by music industry requests to track down computer users who illegally download music, a federal judge ruled Tuesday in a case that could dramatically increase online pirates' risk of being caught.

The decision by U.S. District Judge John D. Bates upheld the recording industry's powers under a 1998 law to compel Verizon Communications Inc. to identify one of its Internet subscribers who was suspected of illegally trading music or movies online. The music industry knew only a numerical Internet address this person was using.

Verizon promised Tuesday to appeal and said it would not immediately provide its customer's identity. The ruling had "troubling ramifications" for future growth of the Internet, said Verizon's associate general counsel, Sarah B. Deutsch.

Face it, folks, they don't want us to have our Internet.

Salon.com has put up a

Salon.com has put up a selection of Worst-case Scenarios centered around the insane policies of our Emperor. Some, like the Middle East scenario, are plausible and well-written. Others, like the essay on the environment, repeat a lot of what already's been said many times. On the whole, though, we are sooooooooo screwed.

Or are we? I'm going to keep a copy of these essays and have a look at them a year later and compare them to what actually happened. That is, if we're still alive by then (my What If? scenarios usually feature the earth's annihilation at the hands of "Left Behind"-reading crypto-fascists).

However, I've noticed that so many future scenarios that appear in papers here operate by one major assumption: the United States is proactive, and the rest of the world is reactive. This certainly makes things easier when looking in the crystal ball, but history has always shown that world-changing events come out of left field. Who would have thought the War for Iraqi Oil would have been so derailed by North Korea suddenly sticking their heads in? That country has inadvertantly been one of the biggest helps in creating anti-war sentiment here because they have underscored the great hypocrisy in the BushJunta's "Axis of Evil" statement.

An even greater example is the fall of the Soviet Union. Futurists in the mid-'80s, following the cold war policies of the Reagan/Bush administration, probably saw the standoff between the Soviets and the U.S. as lasting many more decades. Certainly, the U.S. were not going to make any concessions, and the Soviets were such a bloated totalitarian state that it seemed impossible to even think it would change.

But it did, and once one little incident happened (in hindsight, many Hawks credited the cold war for pushing the Soviet Union into such financial dire straits) it had a snowball effect. Was it Gorbachev? Was it just a simple change in thinking?

How can we forecast those things happening?

Stay tuned, is all I can say.

January 21, 2003

I'd never seen the original

I'd never seen the original Whasaaaaaap film until recently. Okay, maybe I'm out of the loop and everyone's seen it already, but this pre-Budweiser Ur-text version of the overexposed joke is, in my opinion, the best of them all. More repitition, less product placement.

In a breathtaking yet completely

In a breathtaking yet completely unsurprising piece of shamelessness on behalf of the Bush Oiligarchy, the "economic stimulus plan" rewards big businesses who choose to buy SUVs.


SUV tax break may reach $75,000

By Jeff Plungis / Detroit News Washington Bureau
SUV tax break
WASHINGTON -- President Bush's economic stimulus plan could triple the size of a little-known tax loophole that some small business owners are using to finance purchases of large SUVs.
One of Bush's proposed tax cuts would raise from $25,000 to $75,000 the amount small business owners -- including doctors, lawyers and financial advisers -- can write off when buying an SUV for business purposes.


Just yet another example of Bush paying back the people who bought him power.
And for those who still, still, still, still refuse to believe the upcoming Iraq war is about oil, there's this from business magazine Schlumberger

A War In Iraq Could Prove Boon To US Oil Service Companies
By Roy R. Reynolds

HOUSTON (Dow Jones) - A successful invasion of Iraq that topples dictator Saddam Hussein could leave the Middle East country rife with leadership issues, internal strife and loads of opportunity for the right business. After three major wars across the last generation and more than a decade of economic sanctions, experts say that Iraq's lucrative oilfields, which at 112 billion barrels of proven reserves trail only neighbor Saudi Arabia in size, are in dire need of foreign investment and revitalization.

That insufficiency could open a profit window for U.S. oil service companies - which perform duties from refinery design to the drilling of new wells.

[cut]

Several oil service companies declined to speculate on operations in a postwar Iraq, partly because the outcome of any war is pure guesswork.

But the opening of the country to foreign investment could help turn around doldrums in the oil services sector for companies like Halliburton Co. (NYSE:HAL - News), Schlumberger Ltd.(NYSE:SLB - News), Baker Hughes Inc. (NYSE:BHI - News) and BJ Services Co. (NYSE:BJS - News).


Dick Cheney's ex-company Halliburton keeps popping up, what a surprise!
Also of note: The Inquirer used good ol' Google to discover that the GOP are using spamming software to send pro-Bush form letters to every single newspaper in America. This is to counter-balance the thousands of real anti-Bush letters written by real people. Ah-ha...it's called fear, people.

January 20, 2003

I'm putting together my report

I'm putting together my report of the anti-war rally on the weekend, but until then here's a recent Ted Rall cartoon that sweetly points out how much killing innocent people actually costs. And has anyone noticed how Rall's caricature of Bush is getting more monstrous every month?

January 17, 2003

The U.S. media have all

The U.S. media have all seemed to have quietly looked over the outbursts of Shaq O'Neal, failed rapper, multi-gazillion dollar orange-ball shunter, and now racist slur ejaculator. When a white guy makes a slur about a black guy, it's a big scandal. When a black guy makes a slur about an Asian it's...?

APA Community Should Tell Shaquille O’Neal to ‘Come down to Chinatown.’
Shaq's ethnic slurs deeply offend one Yao fan

By Irwin Tang | Special to AsianWeek

In his most recent racial taunt of Yao Ming, Shaquille O'Neal told a reporter, "Tell Yao Ming, 'ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh.'" No, the superstar center of the L.A. Lakers was not trying to speak Chinese. Shaq was, in a most derisive tone, aiming a racist barb at the rookie center for the Houston Rockets.


I guess the real question is why the general public keeps expecting overpaid sportsmen of any stripe to speak, on the whole, with candor, intelligence, and insight. Don't people remember high school?
Jessica has the final say on the Shaq deal: "I'm gonna beat Shaq's ass...If I see him."

It's Friday, and two of

It's Friday, and two of my most recent writings have been published. The first is the Valley Voice's cover story on Harriet Phillips and the Goleta Valley Land Trust. The second is my review of Narc

Enjoy and please send feedback if you'd like!

Man, not only are those

Man, not only are those trading cards brilliant but The Propaganda Remix Project is even more so, with these updated World War II posters. A hit, a very palpable hit. Over 100 posters to choose from; which one will be yours?

How can one make sense

How can one make sense of the War On Terrorism? How about using Kinbote's American Crusade 2001 Trading Cards? I'm sure you will agree they're doubleplusgood. They're all pretty hilarious, and it was hard to pick two, but here, lookee:

Wheee! Trade 'em all!

Le Mans Crash 55

This web reprint of a 1955 Life Magazine article details the death-filled results of the horrific '55 LeMans Crash. This is the reason they now have barriers between the race cars and the crowd. J.G. Ballard might be interested in the description below.

As the race entered its third hour the cars were breaking records at every lap when Jaguar Driver Mike Hawthorn received a signal from his pit crew to stop for gas. As he braked, an Austin-Healey swerved to avoid him. A few lengths behind, Levegh raised his hand, signaling another Mercedes to slow up. At 150 mph he had no chance to do so himself.

Photo from Wilko's Healy Page
Hitting the Healey, the Mercedes took off like a rocket, struck the embankment beside the track, hurtled end over end and then disintegrated over the crowd. The hood decapitated tightly jammed spectators like a guillotine. The engine and front axle cut a swath like an artillery barrage. And the car's magnesium body burst into flames like a torch, burning others to death. In a few searing seconds 82 people were dead and 76 were maimed. Hawthorn, though unnerved, went on to win and set a new record. But few spectators had the enthusiasm to cheer.

Linked from Meme Pool

It may be hosted by

It may be hosted by Bill Gates, but the MSNBC page, War of Words: World media reaction offers blog-like insight on the workings of newspapers and journalists in the rest of the world, where they don't have to brownnose Ari Fleischer every morning. It's written by Michael Moran in what they would call a "breezy" style.

Wheat Grass

Since last Saturday, we've been watching our wheat grass grow. We bought some seeds at Farmer's Market and damn if these suckers don't grow nearly 2cm per day. We don't plan to make wheat grass juice out of it, but if this continues to grow apace, we may have to.

January 16, 2003

Props to the Boss

When I was in high school, I was in a rock band (I was lead screamer). On a few of our songs we used a drum machine, hoping to sound like those Roland 808s we heard on rap records. The closest we could get was a Boss Dr. Rhythm DR-55. Now you can try your hand at a Virtual DR-55 and relive the tinny sound.

Here's a distressing report about

Here's a distressing report about The End of Bananas as We Know Them


LONDON (Reuters) - It is one of the world's favorite fruits, but the banana hasn't had sex in years and its days may be are numbered.

Without scientific help the sterile, seedless fruit could disappear with 10 years, according to a Belgian plant pathologist.

Emile Frison, the head of the International Network for the Improvement of Banana and Plantain in Monpellier, France, said the fruit lacks the genetic diversity to fight off diseases and pests that are plaguing banana plantations and only biotechnology and genetic manipulation may be able to save it.



Photo from World Food Habits Bibliography
Future inventions: Banana Viagra, Banana Hookers, Banana Sex Therapist

AfroKen!



The part of me that is secretly a 14-year-old Japanese schoolgirl really loves Afro Ken, the mascot whose hair adapts, chameleon-like, to whatever he sidles up to. And now there's this, the proud winners of the Afro Ken Look-a-like Competition. How cool is that?

However, you could take collecting cute character products to an extreme, say Band-Aids. At least they're not used Band-Aids. Eww.

Dummy Roundup

Oh man, where do we start today?
First of all, the ACLU would like us to know we are becoming an Orwellian society, where your every move will be watched and monitored. (You mean it isn't already?). On the other hand, Russ Feingold, bless him, is introducing a bill to block the Illuminati, sorry, I mean the Total Information Awareness Network, so that's good.
Molly Ivins—another good egg—has the scoop on what the Chimp's tax cut will mean to us. Summary: nada. For those who thought even the glory bubble days of the stock market benefitted the middle class, check out this figure:


According to Kevin Phillips, 1 percent of investors pocketed 42 percent of the stock market gains between 1989 and 1997, while the top 10 percent of the population took 86 percent.

Meanwhile, Tony Blair isn't making friends in his own party by consistently siding with the Shrub's unilateralist policies. Now he's got the dander up of the Scots.


Hey, Hey, We're the Moonies! And people say we moon about. They do.

I would say most people think Reverend Sun Young Moon is a relic of the '70s. Remember when "Moonie" was shorthand for brainwashed cult member? (Mad Magazine used it a lot when I was growing up). Mass marriages in stadiums? Oh, how we laughed.
But the guy is still around, and worse, seems to have Bush's ear. Moon runs the Washington Times and whereas Bush is a born-again Christian of some sort, Moon is none other than the living incarnation of Jesus H. Christ! Who would've thought? And he's advising the prez on many wonderful things. Could North Korea be one of them?
Well, as they say, Christ on a bike! Or perhaps, Christ on a motorcross bike, where you can "Help Jesus lay waste to Jerusalem atop 500cc's of raw petrol power. Take on the toughest circuits on the mount as you choose from 3 tracks, 6 bikes and 12 disciples in this smash-em-up free-for-all bloodfest on wheels."
I'm there, dude!

"Oi, Peter, I can see your house from here."

Iranian Man on a Bike=terrorist!

Give me your tired, your sick, your huddled masses...but please don't give me an Iranian cyclist on a worldwide tour for peace. We'll lock him up. Way to go, Arizona!


Iranian cyclist's peace tour stopped cold in Ariz.

Dennis Wagner
The Arizona Republic
Jan. 13, 2003 12:00 AM

FLORENCE - Iranian bicyclist Reza Khoshvravesh Baluchi traveled through six continents on a world tour for peace, but now he runs in circles at an INS detention center.


Smiling like a little boy about to begin recess, Baluchi follows a guard into the visitation room, opens a scruffy binder and produces his introductory note, hand-printed in child-like English:

My name is Reza Balouche. I'm from Iran. I lift my country in 1996 in my way to Eurap on bickal (bicycle). My goal is to try peac betwin Iran and USA. I don't like violence. I like peac and freeadem . . .

In broken English, he tells of pedaling 46,000 miles before his travels came to an abrupt halt two months ago at the hands of U.S. Border Patrol agents.


That'll teach you a lesson about peace'n'love, Mr. Brown-skinned Terrorist Person!

January 15, 2003

Potsmokers aren't terrorists

Those TV ads that try to equate a pot smoker with a bomb wielding terrorist were not only facetious, but just begging to be parodied the first time they were shown. And seeings a recent study proved that most SUV drivers are assholes, I'm totally behind this new TV ad campaign by Americans for Fuel Efficient Cars that equate such drivers with terrorists. After all, I'd rather roll a spliff than roll over and crush my spine. Plus, isn't the administration's aim in equating drug takers with terrorists a way to excuse putting more black and brown people in jail?

John le Carre is Disgusted

John le Carré steps up to the plate.



Photo from Jorn's le Carré Resource Page
The United States of America Has Gone Mad
John le Carré

America has entered one of its periods of historical madness, but this is the worst I can remember: worse than McCarthyism, worse than the Bay of Pigs and in the long term potentially more disastrous than the Vietnam War.

The reaction to 9/11 is beyond anything Osama bin Laden could have hoped for in his nastiest dreams. As in McCarthy times, the freedoms that have made America the envy of the world are being systematically eroded. The combination of compliant US media and vested corporate interests is once more ensuring that a debate that should be ringing out in every town square is confined to the loftier columns of the East Coast press.


It's a very eloquent article; please read the rest.

Elsewhere, there's protests in Japan, and an overview of Bush's shameful anti-abortion policy, and a look at what happens to people who dare question the emperor.

But don't fret! There's always this:

Kung Fu Grip!

This is precious, and so in need of a smutty caption, I thought I'd leave it up to you. Please suggest something via the "Comment" link below!

Photo from Tsinghua University
Linked from the fascinating China Blog

January 14, 2003

Naked. Peace. Cold

Taking a tip from those Nigerian women who stripped to stop the oil companies destroying their town, a whole lotta U.S. ladies formed this on the beach with their birthday suits.

Photo from Los Angeles Times
You can read the article here

The Daily Mirror Rocks

Man, the British tabloid press just loathe the Shrub. Check this out. Remember a few months ago when this was just being sent 'round as an email gag?



linked via Die Puny Humans

Now it's a major headline! It's almost enough to forgive them for the other 28 days of the month when they obsess, front-page like, over Patsy Kensit, David Beckham's sperm-based offspring, Diana's bodyguard, somebody's knickers, and the fact that Edwina Currie had a four-year affair with John Major (that, I didn't need to know).

And could you imagine any U.S. newspaper getting away with these?

All covers from The Daily Mirror Online
And who would have a career (or freedom) in the States after attempting this choice piece of muckraking reporting?

WE JOIN RAID ON NUKE POWER CENTRE
Jan 14 2003

Exclusive by ROSA PRINCE

THE Mirror penetrated Sizewell nuclear plant yesterday exposing horrifying security lapses that leave it wide open to an al-Qaeda attack.

On the day Tony Blair appealed for greater public vigilance in the war on terror we breached two wire fences to stand 40ft from the plant's nerve centre - and potential disaster.

One group of activists even managed to enter Sizewell's vital Control Building for three hours. Five other campaigners scaled the 120ft dome containing the plant's reactor.


I mean, they cut through the perimeter fence to show it could be done!
So, once we get herded into the John Ashcroft Memorial Salt Mines/Rehabilitation Camp, do you think we will we be able to subscribe and read about ourselves?

State of the Union Cut-up

Brilliant cut-up of Bush's State of the Union address can be found here, maybe not as smutty or rude as the one done by Chris Morris, but maybe more vicious. The old trick of cutting to audience reaction to edit speech is used to delightful effect. It also helps that the Shrub leaves so many spaces between words.